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I am enough

ENOUGH{source}

Not having a great time at the moment, probably quite clear from the lack of posting. I am reminding myself of this & trying to move forward.

If you’re feeling the same…. You are enough. We both are.

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The rules of anxiety….

Except that there are no rules.

 

I said I would blog every day & already within a week I didn’t manage it. I will survive, so will you, if there is anyone out there still reading.

 

Friday night I went to bed at 3am and last night it was just after 2am. The Lovely Husband wondered why I stayed up so late last night. I had to explain that one of the rules of anxiety and panic attacks are they you need to come down from the effects of super high adrenalin levels before you can do anything again. Sleep included.

Friday night I had a panic attack. The worst I’ve had since moving to Melbourne. I was jittery and couldn’t sleep & thought I was going to have a heart attack or stroke. Yay brain, thanks for that.

My TAFE class had an event on last night & the panic was over that. I had to sign in front of 100 people. I had organised the food & decorations. I freaked over the possibility of not having enough food.

Then yesterday I was late to the event set up, I scratched my car going into the wrong driveway & then had the event to contend with. There was no panic attack, thanks Ativan, but still I was on high alert.

I got home at 11pm and I just couldn’t come down.

My adrenalin was high. From anxiety. From a successful event.

I sat up & watched Forrest Gump to calm myself down. I played on the internet. I wrapped The Dragon’s presents (her seventh birthday was today). I decorated her doorway for when she woke up. I thought about blogging but didn’t.

Tonight I’m exhausted. Tomorrow the plan is to do nothing other than eat left over cake & chat with the Fairy Godmother.

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Books? What books?

I’m an obsessive reader, if you’ve followed for any time, well probably before the last year or so when I was actually blogging for reals, you would have picked up on that. If not, well I just told you!

So I thought I would go through & update my reading list page.

I was shocked to see that more than halfway through the fifth month of the year, I have read nothing. I’ve done some reading for TAFE, otherwise, not a thing.

I wondering if it’s due to less anxiety? I can tell when the depression/anxiety is at a peak because I like to hide myself away in other worlds inside my books. That said, I do really enjoy reading all the time, but maybe that’s why there is a diminished desire at the moment. It also doesn’t help that I am madly doing TAFE work & other things which keeps my head out of books at the moment.

The Lovely Husband is away next weekend, so I think the goal might be to get into reading something new. My Kindle has around 15 books sitting waiting for me, so I’m sure I can find something to read!