Yep another lame, everything sucks post, but hopefully I can get past them soon…
The issues that I have at the moment are really quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things… A baby that takes hours to get to sleep, the same baby won’t let anyone else put him to sleep but me. A girl who refuses to use the toilet half the time and is wetting her pants more now then she did as a two year old. A boy who is pushing every single boundary known to man and a seemingly always at work husband (though is is on three weeks leave right now).
Nothing earth shattering, nothing major. Daily insignificant stay at home mum, life stuff really but for some reason it’s all too overwhelming at the moment. I just want to hide from it all. I feel terrible for even complaining when I know people around me, a few friends I particular who are going through a lot more & here I am complaining about stupid stuff.
If I’m honest it’s been like this for a while. Since before The Baby was born for sure. Quite possibly around the time of the bed rest when I was taken off my anxiety meds now that I think about it. Obviously it was there before that & hence the meds.
I just want it be happy, to be me again, less angry, more patient. I’m not sad or depressed, I’m just not happy. This in itself makes me unhappy, because there’s no reason for it. My life is awesome, so why on earth am I so overwhelmed by the insignificant?
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You are describing, especially in that last paragraph, so accurately how I felt after Phoebe was born. And honestly? I only recently began to feel like I was coming out of it.
You’re not alone.
Oh Sarah, I hear you! Parenting is wonderful and awe-inspiring and makes you feel that with such precious little people in your life, you never have a right to feel down again. Yet at the very same time, it can strip you of everything that is YOU. Your time, physical and emotional space, your body, your interests, your relationships, your intellect, your privacy, your fashion sense, looks, culture and career… Hell, most days I’m lucky if I even get to eat my own toast.
Add lack of sleep, and it can feel like it’s taken your soul.
You’re allowed to feel flat and empty and awful. But then you’re not allowed to blame it on you and you’re also not allowed to just accept it as the new norm. You can and will get back from this, but you’ll do it faster with help. Family, friends and ideally some good professional support. Baby steps. Moments of space and joy taken wherever you can get them, squeezed in between the mundane and the outright exhausting.
In the meantime, here’s some random love from a random stranger. xoxoxoxoxo
When I click on the ‘contact me’ link, it takes me to an old post… so I’ll just say it here:
Still thinking of you and sending you love. I hope you are having fewer moments of overwhelm and a few more of contentment…. or at the very least that you are being well supported (and frequently cuddled) through this. xoxox
I’ve fixed it all up & just posted
I’ve had a much better week 
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